20090514

Wedding Bell Blues Across America

Weddings can be expensive; emphasis on can. The good thing is that the amount of money spent on a wedding is a choice that the two primary people involved should make. The primary individuals being referred to here are the prospective bride and groom. Everyone else must remember that they have had, or will have, their day. I've noted in previous writings that I have several twenty-something daughters. Only one of them is by birth; the others are young women who have crossed my path on this journey called life. Recently, one of those daughters got married. She and her, now husband, took the horse by the reins and helped organize a beautiful wedding. Seemingly, it went off without a hitch; with so many memorable photos to enjoy for decades to come. They're currently celebrating two months of wedded bliss. How wonderful if all weddings could be so "hassle-free." I really do think they can be if adult children would remember that's what they are; adults. I know how difficult it is to feel like an adult, when your deepest desire is to honor God by feigning childhood, and obeying the wishes of your parents. No one ever told me this when I was a twenty-something; but, there comes a time when your loyalty to your parents has to be trumped by your loyalty to God. No one ever voiced to me that by law, a parent's legal rights end at 18, and children can not be effective adults. Had I heard these words, perhaps some of my adult decisions would have been bolder. Too often 20-somethings wage an internal war with what God is leading them to do, and what their well-meaning parents deem best for them to do. As a parent, I foretold my children that at age 18 the decisions they made would be their own. That did not mean that I would stop giving sage advice. But it did mean that on receipt of this advice, the final decisions would be their own; and, any consequences, good or bad, would be theirs to own as well. I wasn't shy about telling them that the consequences of their decisions could haunt or bless them for life. There's another wedding on the horizon. That makes me beam. This daughter's prospective husband reminds me of a glove that fits a hand perfectly. They're one of those couples that are so similar in presence, that you just know they're meant to be. Before I had the opportunity to meet her, now fiancee, all the mijas were in one accord on how perfect a couple these two were. Honestly, I wasn't sold. All I'd heard was that they had been dating for nearly four years and there was no ring, no date, no proposal. In my heart, I knew this was a young woman who wanted to do the right thing and wanted to be a Godly wife. And, all I knew, too, was that there was a breakdown in my understanding of why it wasn't happening. I do believe Father God orchestrates things Divinely. One hot summer day last year, I saw this daughter with a guy. It must have been the heat; but, I didn't put two and two together that this was her beau. When she introduced him, I did something I don't readily do. I actually got surprised that two people could look so made for each other; eerily, almost as though they were siblings! It's not that I've never known this from other life experiences, it's just that some people really stand together. I did what most mothers who have a future son interested in marrying their daughter would do. I gave him the third degree, as respectively as I could. Before I could give my blessing, I had to hear his spirit. What I heard, ultimately gave me peace. I left the conversation knowing that this guy was either real, or a really good impostor. Within a few short months of that conversation, he did the class-act of hiring a horse and carriage and proposing on bended knee with one of the most beautiful engagement rings you could imagine. All smiles abounded and hearts pounded as another wedding was imminent. It was a rejoiceful moment! The date was set, plans were being made; and then, a life roadblock. I don't have all the details; but, it seems that in all their eagerness to wed, outside forces are complicating what should be pleasantly memorable. This is an example of why I strongly advise my birth children, that in the event things start to get complicated, after the blessings have been given, it's probably time to make plans to elope on a beautiful island and honeymoon while there. If I were still twenty-something, the very instant complications began robbing me of my peace, I'd opt for the simplest plan. It's clear, the enemy sometimes uses well-intentioned people, who love us deeply, to deter God's plans. Sometimes the glass gets crystal clear. In life, simplicity, when others are involved, is most often best. Because when God says it's time; it's time. Once the date is set, it shouldn't be broken. After all, this is a pre-covenant date. Every time you change that date, you're changing what you've agreed to before God. It's almost like taking for granted that He's okay with your decision to change the date. The truth is, the primary factors in a marriage are the husband, wife and God. Everything else is secondary. God obviously foresaw that being a problem, as He even included in Genesis, a clause that a (hu-) man should leave his mother and father and CLEAVE to his wife. That specifically leaves mommy and daddy out of the picture. One has to remember that parents were once twenty-somethings having to make their own plans. Often times that included defying their parents. The first wedding date was set for June 2009. Hooray!!!!! Then, I sadly learned that it had been pushed back to January 2010. I'm not fond of things being postponed. But, I was glad to know it didn't directly relate to the couple having cold feet. And even sadder, the latest date has been changed once again; this time tentatively, to March, because that's when it's most convenient for others. I shrug my shoulders. Under most circumstances, it's only two months. How cool that would be if that were the official date and etched in stone as the anniversary date for many years to come. But, oh, that's right, the official date was June. That's a few weeks away. Hmmmmmmm.....sounds like a plan in the making. Oh, sorry, I digress. I'm not really 20-something! I'm going to end here. June or November, what will it matter in the big scheme of life? (I know, I didn't mention November has been factored into the cards as well.) The bottom line is that in the end, all will still love you when the hoopla of the elopement/honeymoon is past. And there's ALWAYS time to plan a great big shindig, and wedding, if parents want to present the bride and groom to the world. I'm not fond of secrets; but, in this case, who has to know before March anyway? What young people have to remember is that it's more important to be right with God than it is to be right with people, even if those people happen to be your mother and father. On behalf of all who didn't marry first loves because of life obstacles; grab the bull of life by the horns, and with much love, much happiness and much gusto run this race of life together. It's said that life is short. But living it without the one God ordained for you to live it with, makes it so much longer. I'm wondering what that June date was? And I'm wondering too if it has special sentimental meaning to the relationship? I don't know. But I do know that it's not good to keep God waiting.