Farewell to Joan Rivers, President Obama Speaks Against Domestic Violence, & Master Chef, Extant & U.S. Open TV-Talk on My Radar

There's a lot of celebrity news abuzz; but, what else is new, or news, as it's called? First, and foremost, condolences for the family of Joan Rivers. She was a bright light in an oftentimes dark world, and it's with certainty she shall be missed. More than a comedian working her way up through the ranks, she was one of those people that you felt like you knew personally, because of her ability to tie her personal life to real-life situations. I heard the news of her passing at 2 a.m. on Friday morning and was saddened. But, with joy, as she'd want, life must, and prayerfully, will go on for those closest to her. The "till-we-meet-again" celebration with people lining the streets was a real tribute of the lives she touched.
As I've noted in previous posts, I don't watch much television. I don't watch the news because it seems to be so corralled on what's discussed. So, when I saw the name Ray Rice filling the trending topics, I had no clue who Ray Rice is or what he'd done to lose a lucrative football contract. I saw the woman, who I learned is his wife sitting 'stoically' next to him. Before I knew the details, by her looks, I sensed she was a troubled woman beyond his firing. Seeing in the headlines that President Obama made a statement regarding the matter really got my attention. Within seconds, I caught a glimpse of a video of a confrontation in an elevator. Of course, I thought back to the recent celebrity Solange incident; but, soon remembered the news of a football player beating his fiancee, and dragging her limp body off the elevator; and, it registered: This is the woman who married the man thereafter. And, I was washed in a sadness far greater than the passing of a woman who had lived her life filling her passion for making people laugh to the very end. This sadness grew from a depth that no woman is immune to; from the very rich, to the poorest poor. This is a silent epidemic that takes no day off, and sadly is exacerbated during football season, when alcohol and office pools, leave too many people, primarily women, genuinely hating to see the arrival of football season and weekends. I did not play the video, because that only makes theatrics of a very serious problem. To ask the question of why she married a man who showed his hand before taking vows, would be like asking the question why do people fall in love with abusive people. The root of the answers go as deep as the years of her upbringing. Needless to say, she needs professional help whether she realizes it or not. Of course, sanity on the outside looking in says she should have never married him; however, she did and judgment is not needed as much as her getting the help she needs to make saner decisions in the now and future. Too sad for any more words, so let's talk tv.
Master Chef's two-hour show this evening made clear that real talent can't make diner mistakes where fine dining is concerned. I have to admit the food the chefs had to cook was stomach-turning, and even though it probably was palatable, hardly anything I'd consider ordering from a menu. I'm glad to see Christian got a nod from Chef Ramsey for help with a start-up. Prayerfully, he can take this experience and use it as a marketing tool of his new business. And, old Texas 'hook-em' Cutter, got his walking papers, and for the sake of his child, needs to practice my philosophy of 'counting to ten, and if necessary, counting again.' Okay, I'm glad I'm not a betting woman; because well, I thought Christian would have been in the final two. Now, I'm going to say Elizabeth and Courtney will take it to the duel and Courtney will prevail. We'll see.
A few words about Extant...it was pretty good last week; lots of action. However, I am a bit creeped out by men handling little boys in the backside area; probably because I watched the movie "Doubt" this weekend. It was good. We all agreed it ended like they ran out of money or something; but, it was good.As always, Hoffman played the role to the hilt: Ughmmm...I said he was guilty; others in the room argued he always left "controversial" situations; because he didn't want the stigma. Ha! Innocent people have no need to flee. I know that too is arguable.
And lastly, but far from least, Serena Williams was the U.S. Open this year. The little bit that I did watch made it clear that the economy left a lot of empty seats. Watching Federer was difficult as it reminded me of him playing against Pete Sampras back in the day. His physical fitness simply was outmatched. But the last women's performance was exciting to say the least. I could only be happy for Serena because she is proof to many young girls everywhere that following your talent is a good thing. Congrats on the Tiffany bonus!
That's it for another week.

There's The THUG; & There's The Person Who Gets Their Kicks Hanging With Them

I'm rarely moved by people who hang with THUGs, and reap the consequences of this chosen behavior. I define a THUG as a Tankhead Hurting Us Gals (or Guys.) One must not presume that all THUGs are of the male gender. There are just as many female THUGs. This by no means is meant to berate these individuals. In fact, they are to be respected for the fact that in most instances they will outright acknowledge that they are who they are, and have no hope or desire to be changed by the persons whose interest they peak. But most people, females in particular, choose to ignore these words of truth and allow themselves to become a part of the THUG life. For some reason young women are drawn more to men who have an 'I will protect you' persona; like a bodyguard to protect them from the blows of life. There's a definite irony in this attraction. Usually these same "bodyguards" will turn on them like a pitbull so often turns on its master; most often with very little, or no warning. My personal observation is that people who find themselves attracted to a THUG suffer serious issues with insecurity. They feel severely inferior about who they are and how they are perceived. Thus they look for the most "cool" or "hip" gangsta in the room. Oddly this person usually lacks any real characteristics of who they are; whether in dress, conversation, financial stability, etc. It's almost like they're in need of someone to represent their alter ego; while at the same time, allowing themselves to be a silent party to a dual villain-hero relationship. Most often a THUG is very honest about his (or her) ability to snap if provoked. But in all the laughter and light-heartedness of the moment these words are usually glossed over as things that happened in the past, having no direct correlation to this new attraction. A THUG is capable of being emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive with little conscience or regard for the persons they harm. They do allow for their "sensitive side" to rise up long enough to apologize for their "unintentional" behavior. The victim-prey is usually such a bag of damaged goods that they feast on this soothing attention of promising never to harm them again. Anyone whose ever known people who have an affinity to dating THUGs, will attest that in most cases one of the parties involved is extremely beautiful; usually both physically and in spirit. And oddly enough it's the most attractive person who is drawn to the THUG, than the THUG to the attractive person. It's like a THUG knows his limitations and doesn't draw unlikely persons into his space. He probably never ceases to be amazed at what gems his lure attracts. Sometimes a couple looks odd when they're together. But they're probably very much alike; because a woman who is attracted to a THUG is subconsciously seeking a high, that being a part of this rebellious lifestyle offers. And so when you see a quiet and polite woman attracted to, and entangled with a guy whose reputation precedes him, don't even bother to look twice. Just realize that something in her childhood has brought her to this place that seems normal. In final, women who stay in abusive relationships, and go back to abusive relationships, are simply mimicking something familiar to them. It's usually an abusive father-figure that makes the THUG life seem normal; and, keeps them from seeing the devastation their wreaking on their own life. The media should never portray the woman as the victim when a THUG abuses her and she chooses to stay. It all comes down to one observation: It takes one to know one. Surprisingly to many, there are some women who not only love a good brawl; but, have won their share. And just because they looked like they got whipped; for them it's all a part of being in the ring. They usually aren't shy about loading on the tattoos, dripping in 5th Avenue attire from Chanel to Vuitton. They party hard. They love hard. And sadly, too often in the quietness of the battle, they die hard. They desparately need an education on the mind and how it works; and, why as adults we attract the very things in our childhood we were afraid of. But as far as changing goes; no one can bring about that desire; except a Power within that they must tap into. It will mean denying that part of themselves that gets its security from outside forces; and instead, seek to love and respect who they genuinely are inside. But, if genuinely on the inside they are a THUG, there really is no reason to counsel them; because simply put, they are who they are. From our deepest depths we ultimately attract who we are, or desire to be within.

Domestic Abuse: The Ultimate Betrayal

Somewhere tonight thousands of women are fleeing, with layers of clothes on their backs and children locked close to their sides, to an undisclosed "safe house" in hopes of getting away from someone they love and who swears love them. They know the alternative is ultimately death; if not physically, emotionally; and, their hopes of changing this abuser have perished and their options exhausted. Many of these women will be coerced by family or the abuser to return back to the hell hole, with all the appearances of a home made in heaven. It is the hope of all people functioning from a place of sanity that they won't do it. But the reality is that far too many do go back. Some go back because they want to believe that this horror will never happen again. Some go back because they really have no where else to go. And some don't have a real reason, they just go back. The bottom line on domestic violence is that it is no different than the addict who is strung out on crack, alcohol, sex, gambling, or whatever the demon of obsession is. The healthy part of this person knows they're in a dead-end situation; but the "junkie" wants to satisfy the fleshly need for filling that void that scratches that itch. I'm thankful that I speak from a third-person perspective; but know that but for the grace of God any one of the above mentioned addicts could be me, or you, if today you're "clean." I do believe that just as sex-offenders have to be tracked, I think the same should be for abusers. Perhaps they could be forced to wear odd-colored bracelets identifying them a mile off. Somehow I'm convinced that this really wouldn't matter. There are far too many women (and men) who believe they can change a person's in-bred behavior. They're naive to believe that they have a special love that will make this person behave always and only in a loving way. Sadly enough, I'm convinced that most abusers would rather be in control of their emotions. But, the demon that lives within them, like the demon that lives within the alcoholic, and other addicts, will raise up from the depths if not properly trained on how to "tame" this behavior. Scripture says, a leopard doesn't change its spots. The same is true for an abuser. He may camouflage his true colors behind a smile; but, we all know that a smile is just a frown turned upside down. Sick people usually attract each other, often without trying. It's said that the very thing you try to run away from is the very thing you run smack dab into. I think that's because we attract the familiar. Most people who find themselves in bad situations can attest that their behavior was learned, whether subtly or overtly. For all of the abused who are laying in wait for the right time to escape, my prayers are with you that once you're blessed to get to safety, you don't cave to the belief that things could ever be right in this scenario. If only for your children having a fair shot at breaking this vicious cycle, starting over is the only option. I think step one is forgiving your abuser and yourself and anyone else you might blame for this situation. Step two is never forgetting. Like 9-11-2001, you must never forget what you've been through. Pretend that you're like Lot's wife, Sarah. To look back means to turn into a stone pillar. That's what abuse does to you. It makes you rock hard to emotion and pain. It's time to heal. It's time to do the hard work of learning the true meaning of love. It's true. Love really doesn't hurt. Love compliments your life, not tears it down. Real love is the greatest reflection of Jesus. And He never harmfully put His hands on anyone. Once you realize that your body is God's Holy Temple, you will not stand idly by and let the enemy try to destroy it. Because it's then that you allow this abuser to become an idol in your life. And God hates idolaters. Once released from a bad situation, Scripture warns to go back is to experience the situation seven times worse. Read 1Corinthians 13. Love is patient, not short-tempered. Love is kind, not mean. Love is not rude. Love protects, not injures. It's said that love never fails. But you must remember that Love is really God. Man is not love. He's merely a vessel. And sometimes that vessel is so damaged that it is just a shell with no healthy light shining within. Be blessed. Be strong. Listen to sane people who tell you the truth about what healthy love is like. Don't do the "easy thing." Do the best thing. Only you know what that is. And always remember God is Love. God created woman for man for the purpose of helping him meet the needs required on the journey of life. No where in Scripture will you read that He made woman to be a punching bag, either verbally, emotionally, or physically. In fact Ephesians 5 tells him to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. Learn from this experience that hands are made for hugging and not hitting.