POW Release, School Menus, Gun Sense, Privacy in the Home, & Remembering Maya Angelou

Five for One or One for Five 

     The first topic that had me ‘scratching my head’ a bit was the release of FIVE Guantanamo POW’s in exchange for one of our military guys; who to some is a deserter, and others a soldier to be celebrated. I have heard enough to agree with the President on one matter. If we have a soldier that we can bring back ‘home,’ then let’s do it. There is a whole lot of behind-the-scenes murmuring about the role his parents played in getting him special attention to be released. I would expect that of any parent wanting to free a child from harm’s way; however, ultimately, I hope that a court martial will determine his guilt or innocence. If he is guilty of desertion, and innocent countrymen died trying to save him, then, I would hope the penalty will reflect his guilt. Now that he is back on U.S. soil, clearly not ready for his family, only time will tell how this plays out. My question remains…why five of theirs for one of ours? Perhaps the goal is to shut down Guantanamo, which may help explain the numbers.

                                  

Schools May Be Culpable for Obese Children

     Another discussion worth noting is the continued conversations about what school children are eating on the lunch menu. Let me say, I believe the First Lady’s effort to have learners eat healthier is a noble cause. As I walk through the grocery store it saddens me to see the obese population of all ages, but more so that of children and young adults. My generation grew up on rice and beans, greens and cornbread, and meat as a side, not a main course. How simple it would be to take the fake chicken nuggets off the menu and replace it with food for the soul. How simple it would be if each classroom had a garden plot and students, teachers, and parent-volunteers to raise the vegetables they ate for lunch. Unlike today, I grew up in a time when breakfast and dinner were eaten at home. Lunch was brought from home, and usually a bologna sandwich, with chips, a pickle, a piece of fruit, and milk in a thermos. My parents prepared breakfast every morning. Even though I have rarely tolerated food before the brunch hour, and avoided breakfast on school days; I would enjoy a dozen biscuits in one sitting on weekends, if allowed. Weight was not a factor for us as children, because we were not allowed to stay inside if the weather was good to play in. The occasional overweight child stood out as to be pitied, because southern heat is brutal, even for the leanest. Some research proves out that people who have overweight children usually link some cultural attachment to extra pounds symbolizing a well-fed and cared for child; which is far from the truth in modern times. Fat children and people in general, is a symbol of too much fat food, usually obtained in the FAsT-food lane. Because I am proof that children do just fine with cut up fruit and a glass of orange juice til lunchtime, I believe the government should stop with the breakfast line in the mornings. Fruit should be made available for children as they desire, even during class hours for first-grade on, and the children should get a healthy, hot meal, primarily of grains and vegetables for lunch. I worked as a teacher decades ago, and gained significant weight my first year in the classroom. Veteran teachers warned me that eating in the cafeteria would wreak havoc on your waistline. So, hmm…might it be schools making our kids fat? 

Gun Owners Must Possess Sense

     The third bit of news that seems to be amping up relates to gun rights. I believe our constitution states that U.S. citizens have the right to bear arms. That can be a good thing if you are hunting, traveling alone, or to have as protection from intruders entering your home. For most Americans, sensible reasons to carry concealed makes sense. But, that’s where the line gets murky: sensible. It makes zero sense to walk into a major burger joint, or cramped convenience store, or big-box store with a huge rifle (or whatever) strapped across your chest. Nor, does it make sense to walk around in public, unless your job requires you to do so, with a firearm holstered onto your hip. In most cases, people using poor judgment on when and where to pack in public, makes it difficult for people who simply want a little extra protection or to use guns for sport. If you’re of  ‘sound mind’ and packing heat in the grocery store, great!; but, I don’t need to know it for general purposes. I am glad to know a person trained in firearms, has my back if I find myself in some unforeseen war zone. More than a background check, I believe anyone wanting to purchase a weapon must pass a 21-count test of emotional stability. I know it is not fool-proof; but, psychological imbalance seems to be a recurring root for the growing gun-violence in public settings. Descriptors as “quiet” and “never-seemed threatening” simply doesn’t make you okay to buy such an item that requires such grave responsibility. What does? I will leave that to a consensus team of experts. Btw, I made up the 21-count test. It doesn’t exist, yet; but, let’s say one objective for every year required to purchase.

                          

When You Lose Right to Speak Mind in Own Home: BEWARE

     Next on the list of current events that furrowed my brow dealt with another freedom under threat. It is a civil rights of sorts. No, not the most obvious of civil rights; but one born from violating the rights of what one is allowed to say in the privacy of his or her, own home. This involves a very wealthy business owner, of a very public basketball franchise, and what he said “in the heat of the moment” inside his should-be very private home, by someone of very questionable integrity. For a few words, displaying insecurity in relationship, common to most couples when feeling demeaned, he is under threat of losing his business. Say what? It really matters little what he said. I have a little idea; but, truth is what he said had absolutely nothing to do with his integrity as the owner of the team. Presumably, as with most bosses, he had the final say on who was hired, and who was fired, blah, blah. He was responsible for how much they were paid, and that they got paid. Seriously, do you really believe the players cared what he said? Standing in solidarity, while getting paid, and still working, does not equate to walking off the team, with picket signs, boycotting their boss, with loss of income. No, you know what that would have gotten them? Fired, and replaced; not to mention, for most, banned from ever working in the NBA again. I am reminded of the words of Jesus: “Let him who is without sin, cast the first stone.” From the least offense you said in the privacy of your home, to the greatest, you would feel very violated and insecure if you knew it was under scrutiny to your livelihood. This is a clear case of entrapment, and everyone needs to do the opposite of what the team owner should do: Let it go!

Maya Angelou: A Montage of Womanhood

     And lastly, though far from least, is the celebration of the life of one of my most favorite people on the planet: Maya Angelou. I was an instant fan of hers after buying “The Heart of a Woman” in my 30s. I smile whenever I hear in my mind’s ear her recitation of "Phenomenal Woman" and "I Rise". She lived what one could call a “full life.” Most people die with their seeds in their hand, never planting the talents given them at birth. She will be always fondly remembered in my spirit. I have asked my talented artist-daughter to paint a portrait of her for my upcoming birthday to hang as a reminder of her encouraging vibrancy; when the people in my life seem to frown on my effort to be a free-spirit. As a writer, I will glean from her smile the hope one needs to stay true to God and self; not always an easy task. When I receive the gift, I will place a link to share. I know there are many portraits of her in circulation; but, for such a special person, I want my own original; as a reminder that somewhere in the universe, closer than most believe, she lives on.

That’s it; week one completed. With consistency, I will have at least 52 entries per year. Admittedly, my blogging consistency has been on the back-burner for a while. Real life, under the category of needing and desiring a real-paying job has hindered time spent offering the unsolicited opinions of Mytu Sense. But, of late, in spite of the need to conquer student-loan debt (a conversation upcoming); my yen to share my voice has been rising to the top. Starting today, my goal is to post a weekly blog highlighting my thoughts on five current events, with a deadline of 5 a.m. Monday.

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Teen Sex Woes Greater Than Unplanned Pregnancies

It's really sad that in this day and time, something as preventable as teen pregnancy is wreaking havoc in the lives of young women and men, too. I've heard horror stories about IUDs and think a better alternative for girls too young to become mothers is a temporary tubiligation. It should be mandatory after a first birth or abortion, for young women who can't prove financial ability to support themselves, not to mention children! Most young women would far prefer the laparo'scopic procedure as opposed to an unplanned pregnancy any day. Since babies born to teens tend to increase the need for government dependency, you'd think a real solution to such a grave crisis would be at the top of the health-care reform agenda! Sadly, pregnancy is only one part of the problem for sexually-active teens. Birth control does not offer remedy to STDs and even worse, the rampant HIV-AIDs dilemma. Young and old alike should think long and hard about their decisions to be irresponsibly free-willing with sex, as the result can literally mean death.

Free Birth Control Pills Come With Questionable Issues

Recently, embers on the topic of free birth control pills raised my ire; and, according to news commentaries that of many in opposition. I withheld writing a full piece; because, quite honestly, I was thinking similarly to what everyone else was speaking and writing. I am against free anything, outside of a gift; and well, we know even that comes at a price on some level; which btw, makes it perfectly ok to decline one’s offer.
The reason I get so flustered at the thought of all women getting free birth control is because the majority of these women are single; and, according to my Christian values shouldn’t be engaging in sexual activity outside of marriage. It’s called fornication; an odd sounding word; yet, packed with Biblical teachings of consequential results for behaviors done outside of God’s ordained will. My problem with giving free pills to single women has a lot to do with condoning wrong behavior; and in a roundabout way, promoting immorality in basic terms.
It’s similar to giving an alcoholic a free beer; or a smoker, free cigarettes. You see, an alcoholic really needs to modify his behavior and not drink. A smoker needs to modify his behavior and quit smoking. Similarly, a single woman needs to stare long and hard in the mirror and with honesty decide if sex outside of marriage is really in her best regard, or an expensive thrill to her emotional and physical well being.
I emphasize single women because I do believe within the confines of marriage; birth control serves a reasonable purpose for a couple during the female’s fertile years. However, the government offer to just give free-for-all birth control to single ladies is like saying its okay to go against the Biblical principles our founding fathers built our nation on.
I grew up in a time when being discreet was a given. I’m sure it still is in many cases. Getting pregnant in high school was looked on as taboo. Girls had to leave the main-campus setting for some undisclosed location for pregnant girls to fulfill their academic studies. Nowadays, the media seems to glamorize girls who boast of being pregnant and “engaged”. Ugh, whatever happened to married, and then conception?
I’m drifting off center a bit; because the primary topic of this writing is the dispensing of free pills to single women, many in their teenage years. I suspect the underlying goal for this drastic consideration is an indirect attempt to counter the high rate of teen pregnancy. Sadly, this will be another expensive and ineffective government effort; because a majority of teens engaged in sexual activity are too ashamed to admit it; thus, shying away from asking for contraception out of fear of parent involvement. Perhaps birth-control pills can just be free-willyed out to all teens in high school, like condoms; and, if they choose not to use them they can do what many who receive them will do; sell them.
On the heels of this birth-control controversy, I read recently that HIV rates are going up among women in the black population. I am seriously concerned that the message about the dangers of having unprotected sex is not keeping up with the messages perpetrated by some of the popular music teens are attracted to. Potentially deadly images that getting high, whether drugs or alcohol, and having wild unprotected sex with multiple partners, and oftentimes “whose-the-daddy” drama having no consequences, is obviously proving a toxic mix for today’s youth. Contrary to a popular slogan to ‘just do it,’ unprotected sex is not only costly to one’s financial disposition; but, to the physical and emotional well-being of all involved.
I must admit that I am very concerned about the moral direction the U.S. appears to be going. Entertaining the idea of offering free birth control to females who, in many cases, should not be having sex in the first place, sends a very poor message. I certainly am not going to cast any stones at the young women who choose to engage in sex before marriage; but, I am going to require that they afford the $30. monthly cost for their decision.
Sex comes with great responsibility; and even greater consequence when done irresponsibly. Until the President can offer a solution for the increasing HIV rates, I think it would be wisdom to avoid the appearance of condoning sex outside of marriage on any level. The moral fiber of our country is unraveling like a cheap sweater. Supporting bills that promote, and possibly even encourage immorality is only adding to the dilemma, not the solution.
Teen pregnancy is on the rise. HIV rates in certain demographics are on the rise. How is the pill going to genuinely help alleviate these two financially catastrophic health crises? Some may argue that the pill prevents unplanned pregnancies. Really? Then why doesn’t it seem to work, considering those in financial need get pills from Planned Parenthood.
I’m signing off for now. The situation is only bleak to those who buy into it. There is a greater health crisis in the dental world. I would rather support a bill that would guarantee all citizens a “free” bi-annual teeth cleaning and fillings. I am saddened by the number of young people who have gaping spaces where teeth have fallen out, and they simply can’t afford to replace them. They can’t get jobs because of this unsightly health issue. Honestly, the suggestion of giving free birth-control pills to unmarried women is an insult to individuals who just want to have an appearance that allows them to compete for a job in the real-world.
If the First Lady is sincere about promoting health in young women, she should fight the free birth control issue, and tout abstinence along with her healthy-eating campaign. The bottom line about the free birth control is that it sends the wrong message on many levels. It says to the teen, tottering on the fence regarding premarital sex, “When you’re ready, sex is okay; married or not”. Nope, wrong thought.
The message we should be conveying 24-7, is that sex is for marriage, and the potential consequences for doing so outside of that bond is x, y, and z. Under this new plan, the woman will take the pill, and perhaps not conceive; but, in the process she contracts horrible diseases, some for which there is no cure, and have emotional scars for multiple partners she loved and um, “lost”. I don’t know what direction the President intended the birth-control train to take; but, hopefully it will derail before the November election. The fact that his favorable ratings have actually gone up in the past few days has me wondering how much the free offer of birth control pills has to do with it. Interesting. Very interesting.

We, The People, Should Determine Movie-Rating Guidelines

The joy of writing sometimes originates from being told that I don’t know what I’m “talking” about. One such response came after I wrote about my frustration at how relaxed the “FCC” had gotten in rating movies. One very astute and alert reader promptly notified me that I had poorly researched an opinion piece, as the FCC does not determine the rating a movie earns. The truth of this reader is that I actually did no research at all. I merely pulled up to the keyboard and began click-clacking away at the audacity of not putting an X-rating on movies containing nudity and/or vile language. Because this article has gotten such a viewing I thought it only proper to share with the public a correction and an overview of which agency does what. The person who sent the comment was polite enough to not only inform me of my error; but, also the correct agencies for television and movies. On researching, I learned that the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) is comprised of the top six production studios and “determines” the film rating system. I learned that it is a non-profit agency (how convenient) and serves on a voluntary basis to inform viewers of the movie’s rating. Was that a light-bulb moment! No wonder there are no X-rated movies. Film critic Roger Ebert thinks the whole system needs to be revamped. I’d say that is an understatement? On doing a bit more research I learned that the television rating system was approved by Congress in 1996 and merely lets the viewer know within the first 15 seconds of the shows airing what is contained within. I like that courtesy; but, people who watch television pretty much know what they’re about to watch contains. It’s helpful just the same. And last, but not least, I took a look at what the role of the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) actually is. I was shocked to learn that I really was off the mark. It serves, as described on their web page, “thousands” of purposes; but, is described primarily as ensuring that American citizens have access to worldwide communication services at reasonable costs without discrimination. I learned this includes everything from the internet and cable TV services to using a microwave. Without getting too deep and ending up “wrong” again I encourage you to Wiki these three agencies for more clarity as needed. The bottom line of this continues to be stronger restrictions on what people are blind-sided within movie theatres. This is not about trying to stop people from watching filth. That’s their choice. That’s their soul. The old adage: Trash in; trash out is true. But to not get off track here. But my final suggestion is to President Obama. With this stimulus-package “debacle” I almost feel selfish to discuss what some might consider trivia. But I sincerely believe a committee needs to be formed that has nothing to do with a private industry and its private agenda. I want nudity and foul language banned in family theatres. I want the young people to enjoy dinner and a movie without feeling like their dignity has been violated. There are some people who may need more than an inference on the movie screen. I, like I believe the majority of the viewers, don’t need the goriness of a scene. I’m not so dense that I have to see the full act of something that is really sacred. It’s perversion. If I were out with a person and sat through some of these movies, I’d feel safer taking a cab home. Okay. I’m off my soap box. I hope this clears up any discrepancies in the article regarding FCC Guidelines. I hope, even more so, that this resparks the conversation on a scale that has citizens calling their elected officials demanding a change be made in family theatres across America!

Once Again, The President Said It Best

Recently, President Obama said so eloquently that more men need to be taught that fatherhood does not stop with conception. Today I am reminded of the 29-year-old male who was recently in court for "fathering" 21 children by 11 different women. I was of course saddened for the children involved. After all they are the ones who will be cheated of what it means to have a real dad in their lives. But cheating children of God's best for them seems to be the trend in too many instances these days. It's said that the sins of the father affect the children for four generations removed. This is a perfect example of that Scripture. My sorrow was only compounded on learning that he had a job that barely paid enough to care for himself, and a court system that let him off the hook by paying some insulting amount in child support. I shake my head as I write this; as I am overwhelmed with an inability to even begin comprehending who failed the most in this scenario. He obviously failed to properly wear a condom. The females obviously failed to properly use birth control. The law obviously failed to have statutes in place that would require him to either get a mandatory vasectomy or serve ten years for every child he failed to pay full support for. The list could go on and get more personal; but, I think the point is made. Someone failed to nip this obvious problem in the bud long before it reached the number of offspring created. I know there are free-spirited people who gasp at the thought of delaying the pro-creation process. I know there are people who can't believe that I'd suggest no money; no children. But yes, that's what I believe. If laws were designed that would require proof of (familial) affordability for a child or mandatory adoption being the repercussion for irresponsible pregnancies people would stop being so careless with such a serious responsibility. I know there are some who will say this belief borders on Communism. No, I beg to differ. It borders on people being responsible for their actions. It borders on people not continuing that ugly and vicious cycle that the government pays for their children and everything required to care for them. I know. Everything is a bit of an exaggeration; but, I'm merely trying to make a point on the weekend eve that celebrates the making of a child. In closing, our Secretary of Education, Arne Duncan, considered at some point in his career starting a school strictly for homosexual males. I couldn't believe how far off the mark he would have been to publicly fund something of that large a bias. In the real world, being gay is no different than being overly fat, or any other distinguishing feature that one may be ridiculed for. If he opened a school just for gays, before long he'd have to open a school just for the obese; or just the shy. No, I totally disagree with him wanting to start schools just for gays; but I do believe that he should SERIOUSLY consider opening schools across the nation that cater specifically to turning heterosexual males into MEN. These schools should be run by healthy-minded, non-predatory men, who are the epitome of what society would define manhood as. Their entire curriculum starting in Pre-K should be centered from a perspective of proper etiquette necessary for transitioning from boyhood to manhood. Too many young boys are waking up at that awkward age of adolescence without a clue of what manhood is truly defined as. I can only wonder if knowledge would have translated into wisdom in the life of the male with the 21 children, 11 women, and less than three decades of life.

Sex-Ed Is Not So Much TALK As It Is Modeled

My mother's sex-ed discussion was three-words long. I can remember as though it were yesterday. I was drying and putting away the dishes and somehow, "Good girls don't" blurted from her mouth. In silence, I continued putting the dishes away, and thought of all of the girls in school who did, and knew that she, in all her wisdom, missed the mark on this one. I thought of all the girls I knew who were on the Honor Roll, often with all A's. I thought of the cheerleaders who were good at throwing out cheers. I thought of girls who sang in the choir and put on the appearance of piety and respect. All of these girls were sexually active. And in honesty, this act did not make them what I'd consider to be bad people. In retrospect, they were good people who had liberal moral ethics, to put it politely. They had open relationships with their mothers and were provided birth control to prevent unplanned pregnancies. And yet, even though my mother gave me those three words to ponder through the years, I chose abstinence as my birth control, well into my 20s. The key word here is chose. I was taught the Word of God from an early age, and knew this was against God's plan for unmarried people. I saw what these active girls had to endure when relationships fell apart. I saw what missing a pill could create. As a border-line germaphobe, the thought of contracting a disease was more than I cared to risk. I chose abstinence because I wanted to get a degree more than I wanted to change diapers. My mother had a child later in life, and that was as close to motherhood that I wanted to get as a young teen. I enjoyed being an aunt; but, motherhood was not on my radar. I enjoyed my life and I didn't panic if my irregular cycle didn't show up. But, I truly don't believe sex-ed has to be taught, as much as it has to be lived. Having two adult children of my own, I didn't have a sit-down-and-talk lesson with them. I had an ongoing, as the occasion put forth, dialogue with them. If I saw something, or heard something immoral I didn't hesitate to point out why that was ultimately destructive to their well-being. I made clear from the start, that music with vulgar or offensive lyrics would not be welcomed in my listening field. I made clear that any songs on the PC that I didn't like the title would be deleted without warning. I knew that I couldn't stop them from listening; but, I could, as the owner of the PC decide what was on it. This understanding started when they were still moldable. I learned through the years that they modeled my behavior. If I enjoyed a certain genre of music, they began to enjoy it, too. I made it clear that Nintendo games that had violent overtones wouldn't be welcomed. I made it clear that I wanted to live a God-centered life and wanted that for them as well. I taught them that sex outside of marriage was not God's best plan for them. I told them of the costliness of parenthood and let them know that as long as they couldn't take care of themselves, they shouldn't consider trying to take care of someone else. The bottom line on this discussion is that parents can't be alcoholics and think their children won't grow up with beer cans in their hands, too. A mother can't bring men in and out of her bed and think that her daughters won't grow up with this promiscuous lifestyle as well. It's said that an apple doesn't fall far from the tree. What you believe is okay, your kids will believe is okay. If you don't have clear ground rules set, step by step, then they will adopt the ground rules set forth by Hollywood and music entertainers. Let's face it, leaving television and MTV to teach our youth morality is irresponsible and equally risky business that will most likely leave them on the losing end of what God's best plan for their life is. My children will never be able to come to me and try to justify living with someone outside of marriage, or being involved in a pre-marital affair; because, they know from the word go where I stand on these issues based on my own personal lifestyle. I've taught them that playing with fire will eventually burn you. And I've never been shy about giving them real-life experiences to prove my point. And the bottom line on this topic always is: You can't alter God's commands and expect Him to be okay with it. It's not going to happen. He has a Divine Order: Marriage first; then sex. Anyone who says that's not realistic should talk to God about that.

There's The THUG; & There's The Person Who Gets Their Kicks Hanging With Them

I'm rarely moved by people who hang with THUGs, and reap the consequences of this chosen behavior. I define a THUG as a Tankhead Hurting Us Gals (or Guys.) One must not presume that all THUGs are of the male gender. There are just as many female THUGs. This by no means is meant to berate these individuals. In fact, they are to be respected for the fact that in most instances they will outright acknowledge that they are who they are, and have no hope or desire to be changed by the persons whose interest they peak. But most people, females in particular, choose to ignore these words of truth and allow themselves to become a part of the THUG life. For some reason young women are drawn more to men who have an 'I will protect you' persona; like a bodyguard to protect them from the blows of life. There's a definite irony in this attraction. Usually these same "bodyguards" will turn on them like a pitbull so often turns on its master; most often with very little, or no warning. My personal observation is that people who find themselves attracted to a THUG suffer serious issues with insecurity. They feel severely inferior about who they are and how they are perceived. Thus they look for the most "cool" or "hip" gangsta in the room. Oddly this person usually lacks any real characteristics of who they are; whether in dress, conversation, financial stability, etc. It's almost like they're in need of someone to represent their alter ego; while at the same time, allowing themselves to be a silent party to a dual villain-hero relationship. Most often a THUG is very honest about his (or her) ability to snap if provoked. But in all the laughter and light-heartedness of the moment these words are usually glossed over as things that happened in the past, having no direct correlation to this new attraction. A THUG is capable of being emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive with little conscience or regard for the persons they harm. They do allow for their "sensitive side" to rise up long enough to apologize for their "unintentional" behavior. The victim-prey is usually such a bag of damaged goods that they feast on this soothing attention of promising never to harm them again. Anyone whose ever known people who have an affinity to dating THUGs, will attest that in most cases one of the parties involved is extremely beautiful; usually both physically and in spirit. And oddly enough it's the most attractive person who is drawn to the THUG, than the THUG to the attractive person. It's like a THUG knows his limitations and doesn't draw unlikely persons into his space. He probably never ceases to be amazed at what gems his lure attracts. Sometimes a couple looks odd when they're together. But they're probably very much alike; because a woman who is attracted to a THUG is subconsciously seeking a high, that being a part of this rebellious lifestyle offers. And so when you see a quiet and polite woman attracted to, and entangled with a guy whose reputation precedes him, don't even bother to look twice. Just realize that something in her childhood has brought her to this place that seems normal. In final, women who stay in abusive relationships, and go back to abusive relationships, are simply mimicking something familiar to them. It's usually an abusive father-figure that makes the THUG life seem normal; and, keeps them from seeing the devastation their wreaking on their own life. The media should never portray the woman as the victim when a THUG abuses her and she chooses to stay. It all comes down to one observation: It takes one to know one. Surprisingly to many, there are some women who not only love a good brawl; but, have won their share. And just because they looked like they got whipped; for them it's all a part of being in the ring. They usually aren't shy about loading on the tattoos, dripping in 5th Avenue attire from Chanel to Vuitton. They party hard. They love hard. And sadly, too often in the quietness of the battle, they die hard. They desparately need an education on the mind and how it works; and, why as adults we attract the very things in our childhood we were afraid of. But as far as changing goes; no one can bring about that desire; except a Power within that they must tap into. It will mean denying that part of themselves that gets its security from outside forces; and instead, seek to love and respect who they genuinely are inside. But, if genuinely on the inside they are a THUG, there really is no reason to counsel them; because simply put, they are who they are. From our deepest depths we ultimately attract who we are, or desire to be within.

Love, Dating & The Two Year Limit

I don't believe in one-on-one dating. I'm not a fan. These are the words I echo to my many twenty-something "daughters." I think unaccountable dating is an opportunity to find yourself in compromising situations for either short or very lengthy expanses of time. Some of my daughters have been in long-term relationships and are getting a bit uneasy about the fact that no ring or proposal seems imminent. Another Valentine's Day is upon them and they get this strange anticipation that this might be the time the commitment will become formal. Although with each passing "romantic" holiday their balloon-filled hopes lose a little more air. Through cheery and pearlish smiles they sometimes find themselves saying they really don't even want to get married. Yet Wisdom knows that this is a truth that doesn't pass the test. There's an old adage: Why buy the cow when the milk is free? I'll add to that phrasing that even if the milk does go on sale, the farmer won't trust buying the cheaper product for fear that it's tainted. It's in an odd way like having an opportunity to buy a new car. Most people desire to lay claim to something (in this case someone) that hasn't been handled previously. I think most men have trust issues that stem from childhood teachings and experiences. The sad echo of "Mama's baby; Daddy's maybe" rings in the ear of many men from their childhood years. It's been said that all men want to marry virgins; but consummate with every woman they're attracted to.
But this writing is more about young women who find themselves spinning their wheels; in a rut. In their deepest selves they know that what they have has died; fizzled like a fiery sparkler on a rainy 4th of July. And yet they hold on to a dim ray of hope that maybe they're wrong. Maybe this Valentine's Day will find them calling to tell of their Cinderella-style proposal. Anyone who asks me about dating learns very soon that I have a two-year rule. Before one commits her heart and life to a perspective suitor I think she should make an unwavering and very personal commitment deep within herself that after 12 months of loyal devotion, a ring and proposal of marriage should be presented by this "guy-in-love". I believe everything should have a past, present and future. The past is what was before the two of you met. The present is the life you have together today. And the future is what your intent is for the rest of your life. Most guys will admit that they pretty much know very early on, if not instantly, when they've met their future bride. They will also admit that the chase is often more exciting than the catch; though, time and time and time again women fall prey to affection with reckless abandon. It's for that reason, amongst many others, that choosing celibacy before wedding vows is your friend. But this is not about snaring, or entrapping someone to do what they are not interested in doing. Instead it is an opportunity to have a plan of self-empowerment if it becomes apparent that this boat is merely attached to the dock instead of desiring to set sail on the seas of life. After that first year, and the person shows a sincere interest in forever-after by fulfilling the aforementioned commitments of ring and bended knee, I sincerely believe an additional 12 months is ample time to set a date, plan a wedding within an affordable budget, and start life with a covenant promise to Father God. Let's face it. It does no good to show up in church on Sunday knowing you're playing house or doctor with someone who's not your husband. I believe strongly in Divine Order. God's Word clearly states in Genesis that a man should take a wife. He warns in 1Corinthians that it is better to marry than to burn in lustful passion. I would that every woman wait well into her 30s to welcome a love interest. But I'm not God. He knows when the time is best for two people to fall in love. When that happens, and it is truly a love sent by God, then in faith the two must go forward and legally become one. But it's those long-term relationships that have no solid footing and are yielding no peaceable fruit that this writing is for. If you've been hanging in there for more than two years it's time to have that talk; first with yourself and then sadly enough with the person whose abusing the privilege of calling you his own. This is NOT about ultimatums. Who would want that? Would you? No, this is merely a plea that you respect yourself enough to say, 'This is what I want; when I want it'. If your timeline does not align with his, then you have to ask yourself if you're going to be a friend of Compromise for a while longer; with one last and ever-applicable mention: Compromise is not, and never will be, your friend. Be blessed and always know that peace can only come in Divine Order.

Pardon Me, Mr. President; But You WHAT??!!

Before I begin this article, please let me say, on behalf of all those who think I'd dare bash our Commander-In-Chief in a mean-spirit; not so. In fact, on a scale of 1-5; with 5 being the highest; I'd give him a 4.9 rating. I, like many other Americans, know he has been given a crater, the size of America; and somehow, is expected to refill the potentially expanding hole with a stabilized economy and soldiers safely returned to American soil with as little collateral damage as possible. It's said, you know you've arrived when you become the topic of conversation amongst total strangers. Well, needless to say he's arrived. I'm not a big fan of politics. It's too often laced with so much toxic corruption that the ordinary guy or gal finds it far too exhausting to decipher who's telling the truth from who's telling a lie. But recently I've found myself lending a longer ear than usual to what's being said when this newly seated president steps up to the podium, or sits down for an "informal" interview with the media. It's those seemingly unguarded interviews that make me the most nervous. I know, as he, that all it takes is one misinterpretation of a phrase and these 'rock-star journalists' will most likely replay the questionable phraseology over and over again. On a recent interview, I listened as he talked about two of his nominees who asked to be withdrawn from consideration for two key Cabinet positions. I listened, as he did what any person in charge would do: take responsibility for the bottom line. The twenty-somethings in the room instantly took umbrage to the fact that he took the fall for the "mistakes" of others. Before I could assure them that this was proper protocol, he dropped a word that made me do the "head to the side; furrowed brow" look. I looked to the left with this continued, baffled look and observed that I was the only one in the room taken aback by his words. The President actually said that he "screwed up." In my day, this terminology was synonomous with the "F" word. As I write this I'm taking a deep breath at the repulsiveness I have for the latter word. I'm consciously choosing to not hyper-ventilate. Before I go on with this piously saintly drama, I must say that I simply expected more from the President. I thought back to recent days when I used to hear the former President botch the word nuclear; and, how I can empathize as I have a very difficult time saying the month of February. In fact as I think about it, I'm stuck with stuttering at Feb-----. But as difficult as that impediment or defiant behavior was to listen to; I could never really know which; the recent words spoken in public by a person holding the highest office in America was at best, unsettling. During commercial break the chatter centered around him not having done anything he should apologize for. And then I, the odd person out, commented: He said the "S" word. To which they questioned if he'd said the "SH" word. How odd I really felt when they alluded that those words were okay to say in this day and time. It didn't register for a person who has never been okay with the anything-goes crowd; whoever that are or were. In private company, I realize the language one speaks becomes his own. But in public he's the voice of everyone from the unborn to those breathing their last breath. I thought of teachers who already have a tough job with "potty-mouthed" students. Interestingly, I thought of the 3-year-old in the store who unleashed a tantrum, saying, "Mommy, Mommy, I'm sorry; I know I "screwed up." To which his mom would reply as she picked up her jaw from the floor: "Where did you learn such language?" To which the toddler would proudly reply as he pointed to the cover of TIME magazine's "Man of the Year;" the articulate and highly-educated President Barack Obama. I have one final thought as I conclude this article. In a few years suitors will begin shadowing the family's doorstep. I'm curious to know how he will handle it when, in front of his daughters and wife, one of the apologetic suitors runs a little late; and has to apologize with a cumbersome, "Sorry, I'm late. I know I screwed up. I should have taken a different route. Traffic was really backed up." With all due respect, I've been reproved for burdening Mr. President with such a seemingly minuscule issue. But life has taught me that it's in the smallest details that the biggest damage is sometimes done. Youth in general, and Black male youth especially, need an example of intolerance for the vile. For me, the "S" word comes too close to the "F" word. I'm not certain; but, I don't think either of those words are allowed in most homes, nor any classrooms. Please help strengthen our moral consciousness, Mr. President. Some language should only be used (if at all) in adult settings. I'd never offer insult to give him alternatives to this slang; but, I'm hoping leaders around the world won't think the majority of Americans are comfortable with inferred vulgarity in speech, action, or deed. In closing, many prayers of gratitude to God for Him blessing us with this new leader of our country. Just as I'm thankful that he keeps his need for a cigarette away from the eyes of the children; I'm equally hopeful he'll keep the sometimes crass and undeniably vulgar slang away from them as well.

Parents Have The Right To Know

Recently while listening to a talk show, a debate ensued over whether or not a parent should be notified before an underage female gets an abortion. My response is an emphatic YES. It stands to reason that the key word here is underage. If a parent is legally responsible for a child until the age of 18; then, in all fairness to the parent, the law should mandate they be informed before such a life-changing decision is made. I realize the argument for the potential life-threatening situation that can arise for the underage child if an unstable parent learns of this dilemma; but allowing this secrecy to silently fester for the rest of this pre-adult's life is even more potentially life-threatening. In a recent discussion with several twenty-something females I was both enlightened and disheartened to learn that most of them would not want their parents to know if they were contemplating this act. They were even more adamant against telling them if a pregnancy had occurred before they were of legal age. I thought of my own daughter; and, how through the years I have maintained a respectful "as-need-to-know" open book of my life. I have always made it crystal clear to her that if something happened in her life, she and I; not her alone; nor she and other misinformed friends; and especially not her and total strangers with no real investment in the decision, would weigh the consequences that would allow her to make the most informed decision regarding her situation. I have always instilled in her that abortion is never an option. From the many dark stories I've heard of how the emotional scars from this act never fully heal, she and I both agree with a Divine belief that if Father God allows the human seed to be planted, it is with an inevitable purpose for the persons involved. I realize there are a lot of children born, who suffer at the hands of their ill-prepared parents; but, I also know the mental and physical repercussions of snuffing out the life of your own child have to be staggering and infinite. The thought of a child (anyone under 18) having sex outside of marriage is a sad commentary in its own light. The thought of a child being seduced by the moment and obviously ill-prepared to prevent an unwanted pregnancy, not to mention some incurable disease, is an even sadder commentary. But perhaps the saddest commentary of all: At such a fragile age, in such a fragile state, a child has to make such an adult decision without weighing the perspective of a parent, whose opinion they'd probably love to have, and value the most. I'm reminded of a proverbial phrase. What a tangled web we weave, when first we set out to deceive. Anyone who does something under a dark cloud filled with the burden of secrecy, is foolish to think it won't surface to the light in one destructive form or another.

Black Friday 2008 A Tragic Day in America

For years, the light side of media has shown over-exuberant shoppers camping out days before the biggest shopping day of the year in hopes of getting first divs on the best-priced merchandise usually sold at some wee-hour of the morning like 4 a.m. I'm always astonished at the lines wrapped around toy-store buildings and big box stores selling electronics at deep-discounted prices. I admit I have gone into stores to catch a sale from 7 - 9 a.m; but, learned early on that what was advertised had such limited quantities that the sale would often end five minutes after it started; as ambitious shoppers got their hands on the advertised items. I learned that a complete day of rest is far more precious than any sale. But this year, Black Friday had an ominous twist to it that had nothing to do with the color of the economy. I stood in astonishment at learning on the news that a Wal-mart employee had been trampled to death as the doors opened, by determined shoppers on a mission. I was even more dismayed on learning that an altercation, possibly over a toy in a Toys 'R Us, left two people dead after a shooting. I could only shake my head as I asked myself 'What in the world is this world coming to?' Most people were still appreciating their leftover turkey; only to learn that a day that is most often looked at as one where people get to walk off the heavy meal of the day before; was marred by such a futile tragedy. No doubt, lawsuits will cost these companies a lot more money than the pennies they possibly lost offering these mega sales. All of a sudden, Black Friday took on a whole different look. Obviously several families' lives have been permanently altered by events that seem so frivolous in the big scheme of things. I have to admit that the crisis in India that began the day before Thanksgiving only served to make the incidents of Black Friday even gloomier. After all, Americans were among the ones targeted in this terrorist attack on foreign soil. I'm sure in the days and weeks ahead the spirit of the season will grow on me. But for now, it's a time to reflect. It's a time to question how a price-tagged toy is worth the cost of a priceless life? America, get a grip. It's really not about the things. It's about making sure you don't take down another while trying to lift yourself up. It's about trusting that what is yours will be there for you; if it's really yours. Black Friday isn't really about you. It's about retailers and big business staying afloat. You're just a mere by-product. I have to admit. If I had a family member in that group that trampled the Wal-mart employee; I really wouldn't have peace about receiving their gift. I'd have to give it to charity. The sad thought is that most of what was bought during this rush will be returned the day after Christmas, or sooner. I'll get past this grim news in time. But, it's sad to think that an upcoming holiday so built around love and peace is tarnished by such verocious greed and violence.